thank you

The overwhelming support, love and prayers our family has felt has been amazing. While I have not been able to respond personally to each and every email, please know that I have read them and appreciate them more than you’ll ever know.

Our hearts are still grieving. Trying to process everything while holding on to our eternal hope in God.

Please continue to pray for Ryan’s wife Shannon and their boys, Graham, Owen and Oliver. My heart goes out to them. Shannon is an amazing woman and each of their children are so very precious.

Also, so many of you have asked what you can do for his family.

A trust fund in the children’s name has been set up. A portion will go towards the their future educational expenses and another portion will go towards building a clean water well for an impoverished community in Africa in Ryan’s name.

Click here for more information.

a walk down memory lane

I feel the need to draw out the drama involved with my first child leaving for college. Bear with me. Or join me. It’s up to you.

While one of my boys is in the other room rejoicing about the added square footage one less person means to our little apartment, I’m pouring through some old photos mourning the loss of time…

One of the first pictures taken of Ben. We’re leaving the birthing clinic in Lima Peru.

Be kind.
It was the early 90′s.
And I was living in a 3rd world country.
Yes I gave birth in a 3rd world country.
Did you know Ben is a Valentine baby?
By that I mean he was born on Valentines Day. Not ahem…conceived on Valentines Day.
I don’t talk about things like that on my blog.
Wait. Sometimes I do.

I’d like to think Ben will look back on his growing up years with joy.
Why would he not?

We fed him candy as a baby.

We let him go trick or treating. (My parents never let me.)
Sure, the kids always had to come up with their own costumes out of things lying around the house.
I think Ben was a hunter about 5 years in a row.
Jackson bucked the trend in this picture by creating his own character called SuperBug.

Christmas was always a wonderful holiday.
In spite of my tradition of always purchasing the boys matching pajamas.
I still do that.
Side note: I have been banned from ever posting pictures from the year I gave them matching red and white striped pajamas.
Coincidentally, that was the year I was also banned from participating in the mother-of-the year contest.
Hmm… maybe those two things are actually related to each other.

Fun vacations at the beach.
Plus Ben was never tortured by the sun like Jackson was in this picture.
Unfortunately Jackson and I fell asleep in the sun that day.

One of my favorite pictures of the kids.
Just joy.

I know we also gave Ben unconditional love.
Which is the most important thing of all.
More important than anything material.
I often tell Ben he was our guinea pig – since he was our first born.
We had to try some parenting things out on him.
Some worked. Some didn’t.
In the end, I believe he turned out to be an amazing young man.

But no matter how great a child’s life is,
when they turn 18, they begin counting the days til they can be out on their own.
This is healthy.
This is good.
I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Well, sometimes I would. Like for a few minutes right now.
I don’t even think I would nag him if he decided to grow his hair out again and not shave for weeks.
What if I promised not to do that? Would you come home for Thanksgiving then, Ben?

Love and miss you Ben!
I’ll be here reminiscing about your childhood.
Thinking about how proud I am of you.
Praying for you and your future.
And eating an obscene amount of carbs.